Equality for Pakistani Wives?

www.pakpositive.com Having studied for five years abroad, one of my male friend was eager to put right to the 'social injustices' done to women in Pakistan. He married out of his family, a crime in itself, as his family did not marry outside their cast.

He saw this tradition as obsolete and senseless. His wife, a highly educated girl was successful in her chosen profession- a lecturer, and was sought after some of the top universities of Lahore.

After a year, he told me that he was having troubles in his marriage, when asked to elaborate, I was shocked to hear how mundane his problems were, 'she doesn't cook for me' 'she doesn't press my clothes' 'she isn't ready to have children right now' and off course the most painful one (for him) 'she earns more than me and that has made her arrogant!'.

I didn't know the girl well, but had met her on several occasions and she seemed down to earth, honest and amiable, but still water runs deep. Being a girl, I was tempted to take her side just on principal alone, but controlling myself, I asked more about these problems, asking him why was he regretting his decision when he had said (precisely in these words), 'I want an independent wife, with a mind of her own not someone who would follow me blindly just wanting money for clothes from me.' He stayed quiet for a minute, and then said, 'I am finding it more difficult than I anticipated, share control'

Well, I had to give him points for being honest. I asked him to reflect on his own behaviour and then see if he himself or his wife was at fault.

But that got me thinking, maybe this is the reason for the increased rate of divorces. Men are taught from an early stage that they are better to women, women do not understand anything and that it is the duty of the wife to accept her husband's every wish, what husbands do for their wives is however optional. But the modern girls here are refusing to follow these traditions; they think for themselves, make their own decisions and question husbands' faulty decisions.

As a result, a generation gap between the people of the same generation has been created. The relatively new concept of feminism in Pakistan benefits the women more, so they have been quick to adopt it, but for men it sounds like an ominous warning. They are reluctant to let go of beliefs pounded in their brains since they were old enough to talk.

Parents pay more attention to a boy's education-reason? Boys have to earn money, and girls are only going to be housewives so why do we need to educate them from LUMS? Surprisingly, mothers also promote this prejudice, constantly telling their sons, 'I can't work any more, you should marry so that my daughter-in-law can take over my responsibilities.' What is a son to do then? He has been constantly told and shown that he is a superior being, much better than women, can he then accept a partner who is not only more intelligent, but earns more than him?

All of us are quick to blame the men, but I think they are trapped by their upbringing and a little lost in this new era. Some of them have risen up to the occasion and have started to accept women as equals in marriage, but many times they are unable to 'share control' and this creates problems.

Being a girl, I was taught the same thing, husband is right in every manner, you have to be patient for the first few (10-15 years) of your marriage, husbands have to be treated with care, be happy with what he gives you, and the list goes on.

But I am questioning these teachings now, I am well aware of my responsibility as a wife (as it was drilled in my head since I was seven!), but the same never happened to any of my male friends. They were never drilled about their responsibility as a husband, so are they to blame when they fail to give equal footing to their wives? women rights www.pakpositive.com